Snippety, snip. Bitches.
Writing by Jana on Tuesday, 1 of April , 2008 at 8:22 am
NOTE: This was originally written for a 2YN course, but it fits perfectly with a scene for Blood Baptism. I like it so I’m posting it, and this is the last I’m going to talk about that project, lest I jinx it.
Peace.
The truth of what one says lies in what one does.
Someone said that to me once, but for my soul’s sake I hope that statement is just another of the idealistic nothings thrown about by ascetics or the men in power who behave one way publicly and another privately. Though I did believe it once when I first became a priest. When I was a young man. That was long ago.
I do not hate the poor souls we escort across miles of country to their cruel fates; the executioner does not hate those he executes, it’s simply duty. Once a year we make this pilgrimage through the towns and cities, through the endless country. The guards will eventually shackle those we lead, perhaps when we reach the first settlement, but out here in the vast plains there is no need. There is nowhere for them to go. Each one of them is marching towards their inevitable death. Each one will submit to fate’s hand in the same manner, their lives extinguished at last in the great fires at Lyphos. They are criminals we are told. I do not question that verdict.
I watch them now; watch the rage play across their features, burning them hallow.
The rage will always come first and burn the brightest as they plot revenge, plot escape. Rage will always consume itself, quenched by its own ardor as it turns to despair when the hunger gnaws at their bellies, when the sun blisters their parched lips and they feel the futility of their situations.
Desperation will come last of all, and last the longest, and is hardest to watch, especially on the younger ones.
My eyes are drawn again to the twin sisters who walk slightly apart from the crowd. Pretty. The dark one is anyways, with her hand on her pale sister’s arm in a vice grip. Not classically beautiful, no, but there’s a sensuality to her features that would make the highbred, delicate ladies in the cities seem like withered roses in comparison. Shame about the other one, her unnatural skin already is beginning to blister in the high sun. She looks as if her dusky sister has drained all her life and colour. That one will not survive the long journey, weak as she is.
The dark one has that rage in her eyes and I wonder how long it will be before it breaks in her.
When the first crowd of villagers taunts her? When the first guard clamps his hand over her mouth and drags her into his tent? When she’s forced to abandon her dying sister?
The young ones always hold out the longest.
Jaded as I’ve become, something akin to pity stirs in me for these two wretched creatures. Their bodies have barely begun to ripen into womanhood. What grave offense had they committed that would merit this, the highest of punishments?
Suddenly I wish I could go to her and tell her the rage will only exhaust her weakened body. Tell her the defiance only makes the guards crueler. Tell her to submit to them when they take her tonight. Tell her it will be easier if she does.
As if aware of my scrutiny, the dark one looks at me. Her eyes don’t ask for anything, beg for anything, betray any real emotion. I realize then she has known all along I was there, watching her, and now she finally meets my gaze with a piercing look of her own. Hooded eyes, an aristocratic face. Her true age betrayed by a girlish body, though still a child to her ancient race.
She looks at me as if to demand I leave her be to whatever imagined privacy she has left. Leave her to her misery, to her futile anger and pain.
And with a jolt of recognition I suddenly realize it is not rage burning in her, but something else.
Something that will hurt her all the worse when she’s finally forced to abandon it.
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Comment by Vivi
Made Tuesday, 1 of April , 2008 at 11:08 am
Wow…I was completely and totally sucked into that. I understand the no jinxing thing. Glad I’m not the only one who thinks that way!
And holy crap, your page looks freakin’ awesome!
Comment by Caroline
Made Tuesday, 1 of April , 2008 at 5:44 pm
I really loved your description of the twins, especially about the dusky twin having drained the life and colour from her sister. Hope you keep going with it 
Comment by Weeble
Made Tuesday, 1 of April , 2008 at 6:13 pm
Hi, just found your blog today.
I thought some of your discriptive writing was poetic. But I felt that you had fallen into the trap of the over stuffed sofa. The definition of this is over discribing a person or a scene.
“The rage will always come first and burn the brightest as they plot revenge, plot escape. Rage will always consume itself, quenched by its own ardor as it turns to despair when the hunger gnaws at their bellies” This being a good example of what I am trying to say.
There is too much discription in your writing and not enough story content. You clearly have writing ability. It is not my intention to knock your confidence. But I feel if you read back what you have written with a virtual red marker pen in hand, and cut back on the discriptive writing, you would have a much edgier piece. Good luck with your ongoing projects.
Comment by Jana
Made Wednesday, 2 of April , 2008 at 7:39 am
Thanks for your comments everyone.
Weeble: Thanks for stopping by and commenting, that’s quite awesome of you. And yes, this passage is overly descriptive, as it’s from an assignment intended to be just that. No story in it yet. After writing it though, I realized it fit perfectly with a section of my current wip. Red pen… coming soon.
Comment by Soleil Noir
Made Wednesday, 2 of April , 2008 at 10:22 pm
A bit late in commenting but oh well. Technically I’ve already commented on this on your 2yn thread but read it over again and found myself just as entranced as I was before. Your writting voice is just so…. It’s strong and peircing. Engaging? You made me understand and sympathize with the viewpoint character even if I don’t agree or even like what it is he’s doing. I really can’t wait to see more on this story, Jana. 
I have no doubt it’ll knock my socks off.
Comment by C.J. Redwine
Made Friday, 4 of April , 2008 at 9:16 am
This is good. I understand Weeble’s comments as there were a few places where I had to slow my reading speed to make sure I soaked in what you were saying but you are the real thing. =)
Nicely done.
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